My Dear Beloved (a letter)

By Andrew Manyika

 I can’t help but love you.

 Of course, some think I’m a fool. Others, well, who cares what they think?

 I think you’re a very important part of my life. 

I also think it’s sad, no cause for anger, just sad, 

that I don’t occupy the same space in your sphere of thinking as you do in mine. 

To me, you’re the stars, to you, I’m a speck of stardust among many such specks.

 We’re a complicated pair, but when all is said and most isn’t done

 and the fat lady’s choking her microphone, I genuinely care about you. 

Not passionately, as it once was, but I care nonetheless. 

Sometimes, though, you understand me too much, and sometimes, not at all. 

You question my motives and mistake me for other people, 

the simplicity of whose emotions is almost abysmal as to mine and their complexity.

 I don’t feel like I’m losing you. 

I know because, if ever I lost you who were never mine, it happened long ago. 

I feel, rather, that I’m coming not to need you as much as once was the case. 

No longer the same passion, the raw need,  but, it is taking time.

 I truly do believe I have the right to be angry,

 but I’m confused about that as well. 

I was chasing a dream that flitted away, as soon as I held it. But wasn’t I given reason to? 

Was I not given reason to believe that there was hope for a deeper union between you and I? 

Of course, you defined our parameters as friendship, but my dear, words and actions? 

We all know the victor of that battle, and your actions were not saying friendship.

 But, as I said, I cannot be angry anymore. 

My anger and your tears are good playmates, but neither one of us needs either one of them. 

When you go, I will miss you because, though you caused me a deeper pain than I’ve ever known,

 at some point, no-one could give me a greater joy.

 You have my gratitude for the days when we laughed and we danced and we smiled. 

This is goodbye, but not the end. 

Only death is the end, and even then, only for a time. 

You remain now, as ever, my dear beloved .

Andrew Manyika is a poet on a mission to create and capture moments and memories. Armed with his unique combination of poetry and comedy, which he uses to both query and poke lighthearted fun at the world we live in. You can connect with Andrew here – andrewmanyikaink@gmail.com

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